If it’s your calling it will keep calling?
bullshit.
Recently I was scrolling on Substack and I came across this.
Thousands of people liked this post.
I paused, “Really?” I pondered for another minute.
Seriously?
Oh. No fucking way.
I loved singing ever since I was small. My parents sent me to choir ever since I was seven, and every Saturday afternoon, I would spend hours practising with my classmates. I learnt to listen with my ears, and harmonise with my peers. I learnt to control my voice, and breathe with my diaphragm. I also learnt to conquer my stage fright, and to enjoy the process. But I also learnt that I was talented at this. I could control my voice well, I had perfect pitch. I had musical talents.
Maybe I could be a star one day?
This was how our choir worked - every year there’s an exam, where you need to perform a song. Based on your performance, the teacher will then decide if you get to move to the next level or even skip a level, or you’ll be better off staying with the same class.
And eventually I made my way to the top class in the whole school, the international class. This class was so cool because first of all everyone’s an elite there so you could really have a good time jamming; but more importantly this was the class where we got to travel all over the world to perform and to learn from other international choirs. It’s literally the choir representing the city.
So cool, right?
And I quitted.
Why?
Because my friends didn’t move to the class together with me, they were staying in the previous class still. And I was so scared to make new friends again.
So I used school work as an excuse to tell my parents that I didn’t want to continue anymore. From then on I lost touch with choir, even though deep down I still felt that it was part of my identity.
Moving on to university and work, the only occasion that I was in touch with singing was during karaoke and mini singing competitions. Yes. I wanted to let my friends know that I was singing material, yet none of them were actually impressed. Sometimes I would be praised for my voice’s high pitches, but it ended there. As you can tell I actually secretly wanted the spotlight, but I wasn’t confident enough to take the stage. I was waiting for someone else to discover me. To pull me onto a stage and insist I sing. Because if I put myself forward, if I actually tried, what if I wasn’t as good as I thought? It felt safer to drop hints. To sing just loudly enough at karaoke for people to notice, but not loudly enough to be judged. To mention my choir background casually, hoping someone would beg me to perform. I wanted the glory without the vulnerability.
So I told myself I was being modest. That real talent doesn’t need to show off. That the right opportunity would come along eventually - something prestigious enough, safe enough, where I couldn’t possibly fail or look foolish.
Some day people will know what I’m worth.
That day never came.
I’m sorry, but there’s no plot twist.
Fast forward to a few years ago, I was scrolling through social media when I saw a poster that made my stomach drop. A concert announcement. And there, in the promotional photo, were four faces I recognised immediately - my old classmates from the international class. They were part of some new choir now, all grown up, still singing, still performing. The poster was beautifully designed, professional. They looked radiant, confident, like they belonged exactly where they were.
I stared at that poster for ages and my heart ached. I wanted to be there so badly. Not just in the audience - I wanted to be on that stage with them.
That’s when I started noticing them everywhere. Some of them being a singer part-time while working a full-time job. Some of them were getting music awards as a band. Some of them went busking as a hobby.
What if I stayed in that choir? Would I be one of them now?
What if I grasped the many opportunities that I’ve encountered? The singing competition at school? The singing contest at work? Or maybe just the karaoke? Maybe my life would change?
As I’m typing this, I’m still feeling very emotional. Now, my life has drifted very far away from singing. My voice has become coarse and my pitch is off. Even though I still love singing along to songs, I no longer aspire to be a singer anymore.
But, if I could choose again.
I would definitely stay in the choir.
I would definitely grasp the opportunity.
I would definitely act on my calling.
Because I know that if you don’t act on your calling, one day it will stop calling.
The opportunity may slip away from you before you realise.
People always say next time.
Next time I’ll do it.
Next time I’ll try.
Next time I’ll go.
What if there’s no next time?
Hi, I am Lora, and I write about the difficult conversations and uncomfortable realities of personal growth, childhood trauma, mental health, high-achiever syndrome, social issues, tech & AI. It could be hard to digest or even hard to read, but it’s 100% honest. I have kept them with myself all these years, and this is my practice of speaking up and having my voice heard. Writing these vulnerable pieces takes courage (and lots of coffee). If my words resonated with you, consider buying me a coffee to fuel the next uncomfortable truth. Your support helps me keep writing without filters or facades.